Wikipedia:Editing under the influence

This is a humorous essay. It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and is made to be humorous. This page is not one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not been thoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints. This essay isn't meant to be taken seriously.

Shortcuts WP:EUI WP:EUTI WP:EWI WP:DRUNKEDIT WP:INFLUENCE

Editing under the influence (EUI) refers to editing while not in one's usual state of mind, unless under the influence is the editor's usual state of mind. This can obviously have a variety of meanings but often results in an editor reviewing their edits the next day and universally proclaiming "I wrote that?!" and back-tracking to either amend or admire their pronouncements of the prior eve. (The first and bolded (or not) twenty-two reasons are from the original page.)

• Please add reasons: To be fair, please add your reason/contribution at the end of the list. If you are reading this then you maybe are suffering maybe paranoia perhaps (or not) ...

These edits may occur as the result of:

1. Extreme emotional or giddy disturbance.
2. An intense desire to get away from the family right now.
3. An enlightenment as the result of too much acetaminophen. (In that case you should maybe get your liver checked ... or check if those pills were really what you think they were.)
4. Because the ambien walrus told me so...
5. An excuse to escape from what needs to be done tonight.
6. Don't bother me, this is important.
7. That last glass of wine made me see things so much more clearly.
8. I finally figured out what to say to Jimbo to make him respond.
9. Time's running out, I better finish, I'm late for....
10. Too late to go to bed anyway so I may as well WP for a while.
11. If I look like this is important & intense then they won't bother me.
12. Hmmm, TV sucks tonight, I think I'll make the Internet not suck, (Ooooh).
13. I'll just keep typing and someday they'll thank me.
14. I'm tired, hungry, and thirsty, but 6,900,000 is right around the corner.
15. I completely forgot to write that thing that I came to write!
16. I read about the Wikipedia widow thing and that's definitely not me.
17. I NEED TO RIGHT, WRITE NOW. Sorry, I NEED TO WRITE, RIGHT NOW. Sorry again, but I NEED TO SAY THIS RIGHT NOW.
18. I have to keep writing, it's for my kid's future for God's sake.
19. I'll need to tell everyone tomorrow what I did for mankind tonight.
20. I'll show that user Raul that he's ....he's... well...well he knows it all (and he does).
21. I came on online to tune my guitar but then... geesh!
22. Influence? influence? Who me? No way man. I'm definitely not influenced by nobody, ya hear?
23. I can do this because I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.
24. Sandbox? What sandbox?
25. My calculus homework is impossible tonight! Maybe some editing will help me think.
26. I've had the most unbelievably crap day and fought with everyone. I need to edit so I can cool off.
27. Having thought that flame-war over with a drink or three, I've just come up with the most incredibly clever and witty answer Which unfortunately won't fit in the margin.
28. If I don't add one last comment to that closed discussion, I will go insane. Wait, I'll sort this out, it can't be closed, not now, they didn't even make it grammatical/reach consensus/solve the answer to life, the universe and everything!
29. Having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.
30. I've drunk ten cups of the strongest coffee, and made the mistake of drinking ten more just so I could hog the coffee table while I edit Wikipedia.
31. Editing under influence just because I can.
32. I need to listen to all 10,000 songs on my iPod while doing something.
33. I need to do something constructive, and Wikipedia just happens to be something I can construct something on, therefore counting as being constructive.
34. My pet hamster is hogging the TV because it's time to watch Airplane!
35. I have extreme diarrhea and am not wanting to do homework.
36. I need to educate future generations about editing under the influence.
37. I am in the middle of law school finals, I edit to think about something else.
38. I am in the middle of mastering my "English Lit" major with Arts minor. I can idly ad lib ad infinitum with essayist flair.
39. Because I just read the whole list and still don't understand what "hogging" means... (Praise Urban Dictionary!)
40. Pornhub is offline, so I have to release some steam by editing.
41. What else am I supposed to do when I had one too many shots and gotta take a poopsy?
42. As usual, I was not in my usual state of mind when editing Wikipedia, as I only ever do that when perceiving Reality, which is of course an Illusion caused by having too much blood in my alcohol stream, and an Illusion which I have now happily fixed, although letting you know any of this will undoubtedly now get me indefinitely banned as a truly wicked Defender of The Truth.
43. Those muscle relasxants I took are for bedtime pills and they;er gonna to knock me flat and I gotta gert to bed befor thy do, but I can prop myslef up on tee deskl lung enoug to finsh rthis eidt.
44. Because the government is turning the frogs gay and you can't think with all the gay frogs everywhere.
45. You watched old reruns of The Colbert Report and followed his instructions on wikiality and therefore vandalized the WP page on Elephants.
46. Fortnite servers are down and you don't have a girlfriend to talk to, so you might as well vandalise Epic Games's page.
47. Brexit is getting far too complicated for me and my brain, so why not clear AN ENTIRE PAGE? Oooo, what a great idea! Not.
48. Some years ago – never mind how long precisely – having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world
49. You feel offended that Wikipedia does not have a page for one of the characters in that indie game you really like.
50. The marijuana you just smoked is making you paranoid that someone on the Internet may be wrong. If you just edit Wikipedia, they'll finally understand (or something)
51. I have a photo to add to Erection that is far better than all other examples.
52. I had to do it, or the voices wouldn't stop!
53. 99 bottles of beer on the wall...
54. iPhone not responding, becomes frozen, screen red and blue, stripes.
55. I'm stuck at home because of the COVID-19 pandemic and have absolutely nothing to do.
56. There is no guide to solving my Rubik's Cube, so I should delete the main page.
57. You decide to read random stuff—but there has to be a comma here. Why is there no comma here?! Hours later, I'm still here, fixing random stuff.
58. Staying up to make sure you're gonna be the one who does the one billionth edit.
59. I'm too couch-locked to head to the bathroom, but not too couch-locked to edit some articles, but I really need to pee...oh god oh g
60. Sleeping and not editing for a week makes you bored, and being bored makes your articles boring, so doing things the other way should make your articles less boring, and interesting articles get featured, so not sleeping at all because you drank pure caffeine should get all your articles featured! That's how logic works, right?
61. AGHHH! The stupid Cowboys lost again! Dammit! I'm gonna give Jerry Jones a piece of my mind! Wait, how many Bud Lights did I drink again?
62. it's 11 pm, i'm on my phone, i notice something that's a glaring error, attempt (<- key word) to fix it, don't press show preview, publish the change, then sleep.
63. it's like 2-3 am and my step dad invited me to an internet café. i felt like games are boring so i decided to go edit a few wiki articles
64. (In the morning) I'm sorry, but I forgot to remember to remind myself that I have to finish editing the main page. Hey, where's the main page gone...?
65. That crazy bitch took Johnathan from me, so I have nothing to pet. I'm already drunk, and fucking sick of circuit editing. How about editing Wikipedia?
66. Catching the flu or some mysterious illness.
67. Just had a tooth pulled, maybe deleting the main page will help me get through it.
68. I'm getting bullied by Johnathan, I should get back at him by editing my school districts page.
69. Something very exciting or important happened, and you feel strongly because of it.
70. An elongated nonsensical reason that in reality, is just an excuse to make this list not end with the hilarious number and ruin everyone's day.
71. Another nonsensical reason made solely to potentially extend the list to the second hilarious number and be funny.
72. MUST HYPERLINK EVERYTHING!!!!
73. Sleep is an aberrant a loss of time. And anyway my eyes hurt, so I wouldn't get any sleep. I might as well make just a few more edits, it will surely help it.